The current economic and work environment has caused me to reevaluate what is really important and why it is important to me. We all have tendencies to find the grass greener on our neighbors' lawns and think the people around us must have it so much better than we do. Why do we put ourselves through the grief of jealousy? Why do I think jealousy is grievous? Well, how do you feel when you're jealous? If you are like me, you might feel yourself get agitated, excited, nervous and ever so slightly vindictive. Not the most pleasant feelings all at once.
When I was little I always looked up to my brothers. I wanted to be just like them, even to the point where I thought it was acceptable to go topless in the driveway in the summer (I was probably 5 mind you). I wanted the car and to go to the same college as one (I was accepted but went elsewhere) and wanted to have the family, house and large property of the other. They learned to drive before me, finished school before me and had houses before me. Tough competition and acts to follow when you know you have 11 years of catching up to do. Ha! My brothers were my idols and I still look up to them and go to them for advice. Sometimes I see what they think before I see what the parents would think. Or vice versa, I call the parentals first and then chat with the siblings. Either way you look at it, I still need the reassurance even after my 30th birthday. The decisions have gotten bigger these days and we have plenty on our plates but these four individuals are my life gurus, no matter what.
Along with valuing their opinions so much, I have always wanted what they had. It's good to dream big and want success for yourself and your family, but at what point do you accept the fact that what you have is good and realize that those you want to be like have had anywhere from 11-42 years more experience and I should be happy with what I've accomplished thus far. Simply put, I put too much pressure on myself and those around me. A lesson I've learned this week at work and at home. When it comes to stress, I can't deal with it. I cry and bother those around me with it. The pressure comes from wanting to have everything and having everything just perfect. I want to be the fabulous manager, the good mom, the perfect wife, sister, daughter, aunt, friend and co-worker and it just doesn't always work that way. I see people at work getting promoted and it makes me want to work harder but to the point where I just get frustrated because I'm not getting the promotion fast enough. I'm not getting the house and the car I want fast enough. The wants aren't coming fast enough but as my mother graciously made me aware, the needs are already there. I have my health, a happy and healthy daughter, a caring husband who will do (and has done) anything we need, I have a job that allows me benefits, I have my family in tact and good friends on two continents. I have a car and a nice place to live and my daughter is provided excellent care during the day. Thanks be to mom for pointing that out. One day I will have those other things but like my brothers and parents, it won't be handed to me. I will have to work and shouldn't feel so entitled to have quickly what everyone else had to work hard for.
One of the other lessons of the week was that maybe I'm frustrated because some of the things I want just aren't in the cards right now. At a time, not long ago, I wanted nothing more than to become the amazing manager and count my money on weekends, but now I'm just not ready and I accept that. There is always time. I'm not going be a failure at work if I'm not in charge and in fact, I may actually get better at my job if I allow myself the time to readjust to being a working woman (and mother this time). The more important thing is to have the time with my little one, enjoy the family and for now, not worry so much about becoming a big-time manager. Forcing it won't get me there any faster and I have to pay my dues in other positions just like those before me. Honestly, I'm better at leading/managing when I don't think of it so much and maybe I should think the same about personal things too. If I just relax and let it happen and work hard, the successes will happen eventually. I'll still look up to my family and go to them for advice but I'll allow myself to use them as examples and not frustrate myself with the things they have that I don't yet.
Awesome! :) I agree that wanting things often leads to grief or suffering. That desire becomes an obsession at some level and you miss out in what's right in front if you. It's actually a central point in Buddhism and if not taken to an extreme is very useful. It all comes down to keeping priorities straight and being honest about them and realistic about making goals. There's a balance between challenging yourself and appreciating what you have.
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