Succeeding, Wanting and Needing...

The current economic and work environment has caused me to reevaluate what is really important and why it is important to me. We all have tendencies to find the grass greener on our neighbors' lawns and think the people around us must have it so much better than we do. Why do we put ourselves through the grief of jealousy? Why do I think jealousy is grievous? Well, how do you feel when you're jealous? If you are like me, you might feel yourself get agitated, excited, nervous and ever so slightly vindictive. Not the most pleasant feelings all at once.

When I was little I always looked up to my brothers. I wanted to be just like them, even to the point where I thought it was acceptable to go topless in the driveway in the summer (I was probably 5 mind you). I wanted the car and to go to the same college as one (I was accepted but went elsewhere) and wanted to have the family, house and large property of the other. They learned to drive before me, finished school before me and had houses before me. Tough competition and acts to follow when you know you have 11 years of catching up to do. Ha! My brothers were my idols and I still look up to them and go to them for advice. Sometimes I see what they think before I see what the parents would think. Or vice versa, I call the parentals first and then chat with the siblings. Either way you look at it, I still need the reassurance even after my 30th birthday. The decisions have gotten bigger these days and we have plenty on our plates but these four individuals are my life gurus, no matter what.

Along with valuing their opinions so much, I have always wanted what they had. It's good to dream big and want success for yourself and your family, but at what point do you accept the fact that what you have is good and realize that those you want to be like have had anywhere from 11-42 years more experience and I should be happy with what I've accomplished thus far. Simply put, I put too much pressure on myself and those around me. A lesson I've learned this week at work and at home. When it comes to stress, I can't deal with it. I cry and bother those around me with it. The pressure comes from wanting to have everything and having everything just perfect. I want to be the fabulous manager, the good mom, the perfect wife, sister, daughter, aunt, friend and co-worker and it just doesn't always work that way. I see people at work getting promoted and it makes me want to work harder but to the point where I just get frustrated because I'm not getting the promotion fast enough. I'm not getting the house and the car I want fast enough. The wants aren't coming fast enough but as my mother graciously made me aware, the needs are already there. I have my health, a happy and healthy daughter, a caring husband who will do (and has done) anything we need, I have a job that allows me benefits, I have my family in tact and good friends on two continents. I have a car and a nice place to live and my daughter is provided excellent care during the day. Thanks be to mom for pointing that out. One day I will have those other things but like my brothers and parents, it won't be handed to me. I will have to work and shouldn't feel so entitled to have quickly what everyone else had to work hard for.

One of the other lessons of the week was that maybe I'm frustrated because some of the things I want just aren't in the cards right now. At a time, not long ago, I wanted nothing more than to become the amazing manager and count my money on weekends, but now I'm just not ready and I accept that. There is always time. I'm not going be a failure at work if I'm not in charge and in fact, I may actually get better at my job if I allow myself the time to readjust to being a working woman (and mother this time). The more important thing is to have the time with my little one, enjoy the family and for now, not worry so much about becoming a big-time manager. Forcing it won't get me there any faster and I have to pay my dues in other positions just like those before me. Honestly, I'm better at leading/managing when I don't think of it so much and maybe I should think the same about personal things too. If I just relax and let it happen and work hard, the successes will happen eventually. I'll still look up to my family and go to them for advice but I'll allow myself to use them as examples and not frustrate myself with the things they have that I don't yet.

With This Bing, I Thee Web

First calculator made in the 1960s, Boston, MA

I was revisiting my thoughts on technology lately and thought it appropriate to make a post. I've decided I have a love/hate relationship with today's technology and I'll share that now. I was reading through my online junk news a few days ago and there was a piece on the invention and enhancement of the modern calculator. I was shocked at the sheer size of the original and was fascinated by how small and convenient this machine has gotten over the years. What an amazing feat to have not only invented such a device but be able to constantly make it better and useful. Now, this item, once filling a room, is available on your mobile device and in palm sized options for your purse or backpack. We certainly have come a long way in 50 years.

Other items of note that have become helpful are the ever popular mobile phone, the internet, the GPS and the computer. I have my moments with all of these devices but overall, where would we be without them? I would venture to assume that everyone who can, has a mobile phone. With its modern conveniences come it's downfalls. It's common to see individuals walking aimlessly about with phone in hand, plugging away to check facebook, SMS updates, maps, listen to music and just be all around socially off-kilter and in some cases, rude and dim. My love for this phone is due to its usefulness in emergency situations. I had my first car accident last year and what luck that I had this thing with me. I was able to call my husband, call the police, notify my insurance and the dealer all at the scene and then later schedule a doctor's visit - I was also 3 months pregnant. Go figure. I can't imagine the process without it.

GPS is another love/hate. I moved to the Boston area two years ago and without it, would have gotten lost more times than I have with the machine. Granted you need to make software updates and whatnot, but overall the love factor grossly outweighs the hate. The internet to say the least has come a long way since the early AOL keyword days. I'm an avid user, both on computer and mobile device and I have no shame proclaiming love on this. My hates are few in that viruses lurk at every corner, you can search innocently and find the not-so-innocent in return and when you aren't watching, you're being watched. Simply put, watch your virtual back and you might be a happy guy/gal. I for one, with my new laptop, am being careful this time.

ENIAC, 1947

The modern computer is another very awesome thing that has both enhanced lives and made jobs more convenient, that is to say when they work properly. As a banker, I've had my share of frustrating days at the office when the computer won't work or perform properly but in the grand scheme of things, it's a blessing. Another room filler, the computer was brought to life in July 1947. What an amazing feat in technology again. The original probably had no idea that its great great grandchildren would be used in classrooms, offices and homes everywhere adding value to lives. With this love however, is my hate.

I can embrace technology such as this only to a certain degree. I'm still not on-board (I mildly apologize for the business jargon) with using computers and technology as teachers of our children. I see little ones everywhere fiddling with iPads and computers and it makes me cringe. I understand there are valuable programs out there and I enjoyed Oregon Trail as much as the next kid from the 80s, but I still feel like hard copy and one-on-one interaction with a child is the most valuable. It worked for us so far and I think people should revisit it. That's all I'm saying on that.

So, there you have it. My midnight post is a kudos to those individuals who have slowly made us more efficient and anti-social. I'll applaud technology overall. With it, like most things, there are negatives, but what a great thing it is to be able to document your midnight trains of thought electronically and connect with your family from afar, all with a few clicks of a button. Cheers! I'm eager to see what's next.

Uncommon Courtesy

A situation happened today that inspired this post. Just because I have an infant I don't feel as though I should have special attention, however, this is not the only time I have witnessed the ever dying tradition of common courtesy.

I was taking care of my annual vehicle inspection, thanks be the Commonwealth for this ridiculous tradition and I brought the small one with me. As I was leaving, I had my daughter in one arm and my handbag in the other and headed for the door. A group of gentlemen, and I use the term very loosely, stood before the door and for some reason I expected someone to open the door for me. This did not happen. Alas, the lady cleaning the window of  the door did. Another time, during my pregnancy, I was visiting a friend at the bank and had my hands full with lunch and drinks and from inside the bank a customer saw me coming and watched me as I did a balancing act and used my foot to open and hold the door open for myself and waddle inside. I certainly hope she enjoyed the view of this spectacle because she did me no favors.

I have to wonder, is it just the difference between north and south? Is it cultural? What is going on here? I could list more examples of blatant rudeness but you get it. I grew up learning to hold doors open, offer seats to the aged, say "please" and "thank you" and other common courtesies one would expect in a social setting. Unfortunately, it seems as though these gestures are dying. People honk their car horns within the first millisecond of the light turning green, they cut you off on the road when no one is behind you, flip you the finger when they cut you off at an intersection and you just can't help but ponder the logic behind it. It certainly is a head-scratching topic for me. Are you in that big of a hurry? Perhaps you should have left 10 minutes earlier. Your tardiness is not my problem, but you have made it my problem by involving me in your unnecessary foolish and rude antics of impoliteness.

I realize that not everyone is awful but it certainly appears that it is a growing number. I find it a sad state of affairs when individuals just do not look out for one another. Would you slam the door in your mother's face? Perhaps you should exercise the same cordial gesture with strangers. I know I would appreciate it.