Mom's the Word

I see a lot of mothers out there who are very excited about their new roles. They are 100% mothers. They cook, clean, eat, sleep, sew, read, bake and play their way through motherhood and love being their children's mommies. To those women, I applaud you. Motherhood shows through me a little differently. Admittedly, I enjoy baking sometimes, but I don't often want to cook, I do not sew, playing is not that much fun for me and cleaning I could take or leave. I'm not a mommy. For the last 11 months I have tried my darndest to be that mom. To a certain degree I think all new moms expect the impossible and have strong desire to be super moms. I want our home clean, I want the child clean at all times, I want her bookshelf tidy and her clothes folded. I want to be the best at work and so on and so forth. Ladies, if you haven't figured it out already, you probably won't get all this accomplished, but if you have figured it out, send me a note and we'll chat. I stress myself out trying to keep it all together.

It's a difficult thing to admit to not be the picturesque mom. You've seen her before, possibly in the books you read your child or those read to you. She's the lady who is dressed properly, always smiles, has dinner cooked and whose life revolves around the family. I admire the woman. I don't know if she truly exists but in our household, she does not. I just do not share the parental enthusiasm of some and I don't think it makes me a bad parent. Our daughter is a relaxed, happy and smart person. She gets hugs and kisses, cooked meals and clean clothes. I read her stories and play her puzzles with her but overall, I'm not the mommy in the book or the mommy that some of my cohorts are but I seem to get the job done sans maternal fanfare.

I have often observed my mom in action and reflected on her skills and what she did over the years. There were things I thought I would do differently. I always thought she did a good job because the three of us turned out just fine but maybe I would tweak her methods. Alas, I've come to realize I'm very much like my mother. I don't have her baking and cooking skills perfected yet, and she holds more wisdom and common sense than I do, but she has a few years on me. I am taking my mother's route to parenting so far, the one I thought I would adjust. I have to think maybe she wasn't trying to be the mommy either. We weren't the lovey dovey family but there was love going around. To me she was the woman in the books and maybe she didn't think she was either. Maybe my little bits will think I am even though I do not. Time will tell I suppose. For now I will continue to take my mothering day by day and hope my daughter continues to develop positively as she has been. She certainly has taught me a lot over the last few months and I am grateful to her for that. Maybe she'll be the one to turn me from mom to mommy when I'm least expecting it. Just when I find myself not trying so hard to be one, I probably will become her.

Thrift v. Spendthrift

It certainly has been a while since my last musing and this one came to me on a recent visit to a junk site. I say junk because it is a grotesque waste of time but for some reason I visit it from time to time to get my dose of celebridiculous news. That place is People online. There was an article about a celebrity spending a large sum of money to bring an adopted pet from Australia to his US home and of course, everyone who read it needed to express themselves on how nice it was to do such a thing or on the contrary, what a waste of money it was. Nevermind the information about why the dog was adopted and that the money was not the real story. Within the comments, which are usually worth a glance for comedic value, was a poster who seemed to brag about her $900 purebred cat. She insisted that all shelter pets were ultimately worthless and 'you get what you pay for.' I could not help myself but to respond to this person and share that not all shelter pets are horrid beasts and that I was just as content with my $60 animals as she clearly is with her expensive one. Sure, I'd love a purebred cat too but I find my two homeless ones darling and entertaining. Anyway, I'm certain this individual will have a fine time sharing her expenditures with people who probably do not care. I got a good giggle from it. I thank him or her for that.

I started to think a little deeper about the high priced cat and began comparing it people owning and/or mentioning their high priced items. Admittedly I love indulging in the finer things because it gives me a smile but I also can't pass up a bargain. My bathroom stock of cosmetics is equal parts high end and $1 items. My handbag collection is a fair mix of nice and really nice. All of these items serve their purposes and the cheaper work (usually) just as well as the their name brand, expensive counterparts. So I have to wonder, what is really the point of spending the extra dollars? For me, it's not in the name dropping (or I would have always divulged my brand selections) but why I want the item and what it offers. The expensive things tend to last longer. If I spend more on a handbag than pants, it's because I probably won't wear the pants after the current season, but the bag is used regularly. I have no real need for pricey garments but I'll spend more on shoes and such. I have my limits though. Don't expect me to be buying Dolce & Gabbana or Missoni (non-Target) any time soon. If I were in a different financial situation perhaps I would have more of the fun expensive stuff but I can appreciate the Old Navy jeans for now. They are perfectly fine and bargain priced at $30. In the end, it doesn't really matter anyway and no one will be scanning my labels from what I can tell. At least I certainly hope not.

I can certainly appreciate the love of high end fashion. I'm not well versed in it by any means, but when leafing through a Vogue or Marie Claire, I think the concept of the clothes, the designs and the makeup is more of an art form than an advertisement. Someone with a creative mind designed the outfit and put it on just the right body to show off each perfectly sewn piece. Some people go to art galleries to find art, but I can easily reach for a fashion magazine. Maybe there is a reason for the multi-thousand dollar price tag on these items and the person buying it should be excited. My favor to that person bragging about it is simple. Say why you love it so much. If it's just for the sheer enthusiasm of saying what brand it is, that seems lame. Like anyone spending a fortune on a piece of art, what about it makes it worth it to you? The intricate lace details or the bold palette of colors? Surely you have something else to say about it. No one is impressed that you can list designers. Really, they aren't.

As to the cat lady on People, I hope you really like your cat but I certainly hope you get more out of your relationship with your new friend than telling everyone how much you spent. I know I'm enjoying my bargain cats - and my other niceties, both cheap and not.