The current economic and work environment has caused me to reevaluate what is really important and why it is important to me. We all have tendencies to find the grass greener on our neighbors' lawns and think the people around us must have it so much better than we do. Why do we put ourselves through the grief of jealousy? Why do I think jealousy is grievous? Well, how do you feel when you're jealous? If you are like me, you might feel yourself get agitated, excited, nervous and ever so slightly vindictive. Not the most pleasant feelings all at once.
When I was little I always looked up to my brothers. I wanted to be just like them, even to the point where I thought it was acceptable to go topless in the driveway in the summer (I was probably 5 mind you). I wanted the car and to go to the same college as one (I was accepted but went elsewhere) and wanted to have the family, house and large property of the other. They learned to drive before me, finished school before me and had houses before me. Tough competition and acts to follow when you know you have 11 years of catching up to do. Ha! My brothers were my idols and I still look up to them and go to them for advice. Sometimes I see what they think before I see what the parents would think. Or vice versa, I call the parentals first and then chat with the siblings. Either way you look at it, I still need the reassurance even after my 30th birthday. The decisions have gotten bigger these days and we have plenty on our plates but these four individuals are my life gurus, no matter what.
Along with valuing their opinions so much, I have always wanted what they had. It's good to dream big and want success for yourself and your family, but at what point do you accept the fact that what you have is good and realize that those you want to be like have had anywhere from 11-42 years more experience and I should be happy with what I've accomplished thus far. Simply put, I put too much pressure on myself and those around me. A lesson I've learned this week at work and at home. When it comes to stress, I can't deal with it. I cry and bother those around me with it. The pressure comes from wanting to have everything and having everything just perfect. I want to be the fabulous manager, the good mom, the perfect wife, sister, daughter, aunt, friend and co-worker and it just doesn't always work that way. I see people at work getting promoted and it makes me want to work harder but to the point where I just get frustrated because I'm not getting the promotion fast enough. I'm not getting the house and the car I want fast enough. The wants aren't coming fast enough but as my mother graciously made me aware, the needs are already there. I have my health, a happy and healthy daughter, a caring husband who will do (and has done) anything we need, I have a job that allows me benefits, I have my family in tact and good friends on two continents. I have a car and a nice place to live and my daughter is provided excellent care during the day. Thanks be to mom for pointing that out. One day I will have those other things but like my brothers and parents, it won't be handed to me. I will have to work and shouldn't feel so entitled to have quickly what everyone else had to work hard for.
One of the other lessons of the week was that maybe I'm frustrated because some of the things I want just aren't in the cards right now. At a time, not long ago, I wanted nothing more than to become the amazing manager and count my money on weekends, but now I'm just not ready and I accept that. There is always time. I'm not going be a failure at work if I'm not in charge and in fact, I may actually get better at my job if I allow myself the time to readjust to being a working woman (and mother this time). The more important thing is to have the time with my little one, enjoy the family and for now, not worry so much about becoming a big-time manager. Forcing it won't get me there any faster and I have to pay my dues in other positions just like those before me. Honestly, I'm better at leading/managing when I don't think of it so much and maybe I should think the same about personal things too. If I just relax and let it happen and work hard, the successes will happen eventually. I'll still look up to my family and go to them for advice but I'll allow myself to use them as examples and not frustrate myself with the things they have that I don't yet.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
With This Bing, I Thee Web
 |
| First calculator made in the 1960s, Boston, MA |
Other items of note that have become helpful are the ever popular mobile phone, the internet, the GPS and the computer. I have my moments with all of these devices but overall, where would we be without them? I would venture to assume that everyone who can, has a mobile phone. With its modern conveniences come it's downfalls. It's common to see individuals walking aimlessly about with phone in hand, plugging away to check facebook, SMS updates, maps, listen to music and just be all around socially off-kilter and in some cases, rude and dim. My love for this phone is due to its usefulness in emergency situations. I had my first car accident last year and what luck that I had this thing with me. I was able to call my husband, call the police, notify my insurance and the dealer all at the scene and then later schedule a doctor's visit - I was also 3 months pregnant. Go figure. I can't imagine the process without it.
GPS is another love/hate. I moved to the Boston area two years ago and without it, would have gotten lost more times than I have with the machine. Granted you need to make software updates and whatnot, but overall the love factor grossly outweighs the hate. The internet to say the least has come a long way since the early AOL keyword days. I'm an avid user, both on computer and mobile device and I have no shame proclaiming love on this. My hates are few in that viruses lurk at every corner, you can search innocently and find the not-so-innocent in return and when you aren't watching, you're being watched. Simply put, watch your virtual back and you might be a happy guy/gal. I for one, with my new laptop, am being careful this time.
 |
| ENIAC, 1947 |
I can embrace technology such as this only to a certain degree. I'm still not on-board (I mildly apologize for the business jargon) with using computers and technology as teachers of our children. I see little ones everywhere fiddling with iPads and computers and it makes me cringe. I understand there are valuable programs out there and I enjoyed Oregon Trail as much as the next kid from the 80s, but I still feel like hard copy and one-on-one interaction with a child is the most valuable. It worked for us so far and I think people should revisit it. That's all I'm saying on that.
So, there you have it. My midnight post is a kudos to those individuals who have slowly made us more efficient and anti-social. I'll applaud technology overall. With it, like most things, there are negatives, but what a great thing it is to be able to document your midnight trains of thought electronically and connect with your family from afar, all with a few clicks of a button. Cheers! I'm eager to see what's next.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Uncommon Courtesy
A situation happened today that inspired this post. Just because I have an infant I don't feel as though I should have special attention, however, this is not the only time I have witnessed the ever dying tradition of common courtesy.
I was taking care of my annual vehicle inspection, thanks be the Commonwealth for this ridiculous tradition and I brought the small one with me. As I was leaving, I had my daughter in one arm and my handbag in the other and headed for the door. A group of gentlemen, and I use the term very loosely, stood before the door and for some reason I expected someone to open the door for me. This did not happen. Alas, the lady cleaning the window of the door did. Another time, during my pregnancy, I was visiting a friend at the bank and had my hands full with lunch and drinks and from inside the bank a customer saw me coming and watched me as I did a balancing act and used my foot to open and hold the door open for myself and waddle inside. I certainly hope she enjoyed the view of this spectacle because she did me no favors.
I have to wonder, is it just the difference between north and south? Is it cultural? What is going on here? I could list more examples of blatant rudeness but you get it. I grew up learning to hold doors open, offer seats to the aged, say "please" and "thank you" and other common courtesies one would expect in a social setting. Unfortunately, it seems as though these gestures are dying. People honk their car horns within the first millisecond of the light turning green, they cut you off on the road when no one is behind you, flip you the finger when they cut you off at an intersection and you just can't help but ponder the logic behind it. It certainly is a head-scratching topic for me. Are you in that big of a hurry? Perhaps you should have left 10 minutes earlier. Your tardiness is not my problem, but you have made it my problem by involving me in your unnecessary foolish and rude antics of impoliteness.
I realize that not everyone is awful but it certainly appears that it is a growing number. I find it a sad state of affairs when individuals just do not look out for one another. Would you slam the door in your mother's face? Perhaps you should exercise the same cordial gesture with strangers. I know I would appreciate it.
I was taking care of my annual vehicle inspection, thanks be the Commonwealth for this ridiculous tradition and I brought the small one with me. As I was leaving, I had my daughter in one arm and my handbag in the other and headed for the door. A group of gentlemen, and I use the term very loosely, stood before the door and for some reason I expected someone to open the door for me. This did not happen. Alas, the lady cleaning the window of the door did. Another time, during my pregnancy, I was visiting a friend at the bank and had my hands full with lunch and drinks and from inside the bank a customer saw me coming and watched me as I did a balancing act and used my foot to open and hold the door open for myself and waddle inside. I certainly hope she enjoyed the view of this spectacle because she did me no favors.
I have to wonder, is it just the difference between north and south? Is it cultural? What is going on here? I could list more examples of blatant rudeness but you get it. I grew up learning to hold doors open, offer seats to the aged, say "please" and "thank you" and other common courtesies one would expect in a social setting. Unfortunately, it seems as though these gestures are dying. People honk their car horns within the first millisecond of the light turning green, they cut you off on the road when no one is behind you, flip you the finger when they cut you off at an intersection and you just can't help but ponder the logic behind it. It certainly is a head-scratching topic for me. Are you in that big of a hurry? Perhaps you should have left 10 minutes earlier. Your tardiness is not my problem, but you have made it my problem by involving me in your unnecessary foolish and rude antics of impoliteness.
I realize that not everyone is awful but it certainly appears that it is a growing number. I find it a sad state of affairs when individuals just do not look out for one another. Would you slam the door in your mother's face? Perhaps you should exercise the same cordial gesture with strangers. I know I would appreciate it.
Friday, July 15, 2011
I'll Huff and I'll Puff...
During one of my recent drives home from work I decided to post about something that puzzles me. Smokers. To those of you who smoke, this might not be about you, but really the group of smokers who seem to think they have certain privileges that the rest of us do not exercise.
What got me thinking on my drive is the smokers' need to litter and get extra breaks that the rest of us do not have. A smoker apparently has the privilege of fulfilling his habit in front of places of business, in my face, other public places and all the while using the earth as an ashtray. I don't understand.
Why does a smoker get a smoke break? I don't get an apple break. Or perhaps a coffee break. Why does a smoker find it appropriate to hurl his cigarette rubbish outside the car window or just on the street? I don't throw my Kashi wrapper on the ground or fling my Dunkin Donuts receipt out of my car window so why does a smoker feel he is entitled to this? You sir, have a filthy habit and you are subsequently making my planet undesirable one butt at a time.
Last year I helped at a beach clean up one Saturday morning. It was a beautiful day and I walked with a small group up and down a local beach and it was not the random jug of oil or the broken water bottles that got us miffed, but the countless cigarette pieces sprinkled about. Have you no shame? This is a public place where children play in the sand and swim. People walk barefooted and enjoy the scenery and yet have to be repulsed by cigarette ends as they enjoy their summer beverage and bask in the sunshine.
I have to wonder what goes through the mind of the thoughtless smoker. I appreciate those that put their ends in the appropriate bin and wisk their exhales in the opposite direction. I don't understand the enjoyment or need for smoking, but please, if you must, be so kind as to use an ashtray. The Earth is already being abused and every little effort would be greatly appreciated.
There it is...
What got me thinking on my drive is the smokers' need to litter and get extra breaks that the rest of us do not have. A smoker apparently has the privilege of fulfilling his habit in front of places of business, in my face, other public places and all the while using the earth as an ashtray. I don't understand.
Why does a smoker get a smoke break? I don't get an apple break. Or perhaps a coffee break. Why does a smoker find it appropriate to hurl his cigarette rubbish outside the car window or just on the street? I don't throw my Kashi wrapper on the ground or fling my Dunkin Donuts receipt out of my car window so why does a smoker feel he is entitled to this? You sir, have a filthy habit and you are subsequently making my planet undesirable one butt at a time.
Last year I helped at a beach clean up one Saturday morning. It was a beautiful day and I walked with a small group up and down a local beach and it was not the random jug of oil or the broken water bottles that got us miffed, but the countless cigarette pieces sprinkled about. Have you no shame? This is a public place where children play in the sand and swim. People walk barefooted and enjoy the scenery and yet have to be repulsed by cigarette ends as they enjoy their summer beverage and bask in the sunshine.
I have to wonder what goes through the mind of the thoughtless smoker. I appreciate those that put their ends in the appropriate bin and wisk their exhales in the opposite direction. I don't understand the enjoyment or need for smoking, but please, if you must, be so kind as to use an ashtray. The Earth is already being abused and every little effort would be greatly appreciated.
There it is...
Monday, June 27, 2011
Parenthood
One often hears about the delights and horrors of parenting and it's easy to get sucked into the thought that once your little one arrives, you'll never sleep, eat or be human ever again and that you and your spouse will never again see one another. I suppose that is the case for some parents but fortunately our little one has been good to us. Once we learned that Dylan was on the way, we started assessing other parents' methods and devising our own and the bottom line was that we were going to do it our way. In the grand tradition of doing things a little bit differently, we decided to parent our own way too.
The most important goal I had while I was pregnant was that I planned on doing it the old fashioned way. Aside from wanting to know the gender, I wanted to do things like my mom did it. I knew enough about about the process that I quickly acknowledged that my body is a finely tuned instrument and can handle just about anything. That brought me comfort and although I knew I would experience quite a bit of uneasiness and pain, I knew that was the way I wanted it. People thought I was crazy that I didn't want pain medication or shots or this and that and I was told on end how I'd change my mind. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm stubborn and if I say I will or won't, then you know I will or won't. I was certainly not going to change my mind about something as important as the decision on how I brought my daughter into this world. So, fast forward to November 30, 2010, my daughter arrived perfectly healthy and without any sort of pain relief. I will not lie and say it was pain free but I wanted the experience. Zach and I took a childbirth class with a teacher who was an experienced midwife and a supporter of all things natural and it confirmed that we wanted to do it our way (old fashioned, if you will). The benefits were many and that made the decision easy.
Much like the time we spent making decisions on our childbirth plan, we spent an equal amount of time deciding our parenting tactics. Knowing most of it would happen later when the child was old enough for disciplining, we still agreed that we would be a team and wouldn't overrule one another. At first it was tough for me because I was home with her 24/7 and I had my schedule and processes in place throughout the day and seeing someone doing it differently after my "shift" was tough. I learned to let it go and realize that Zach's way wasn't wrong, but different. Overall we developed a rhythm to our parenting and so far it is working successfully. Communication is key! If I'm frustrated, he'll step in and vice versa. We'll continue to do things our way and read and make educated decisions about child rearing and while we don't necessarily agree on many things today's parents do, we acknowledge that it's their choice. Maybe we overthink things but I'm happy with that.
As the days pass, I realize and appreciate all the work my parents have done to bring up three children. I understand my mom more every day. I feel guilty for all those times I thought she embarrassed me as a child when really she was trying to have fun. I find myself doing the same things to my daughter as mom did to me and I'm sure Dylan will be just as embarrassed. One day she will appreciate it too. There is a long journey ahead and I hope I can provide as my parents have. All the while, we are going to do it our way.
The most important goal I had while I was pregnant was that I planned on doing it the old fashioned way. Aside from wanting to know the gender, I wanted to do things like my mom did it. I knew enough about about the process that I quickly acknowledged that my body is a finely tuned instrument and can handle just about anything. That brought me comfort and although I knew I would experience quite a bit of uneasiness and pain, I knew that was the way I wanted it. People thought I was crazy that I didn't want pain medication or shots or this and that and I was told on end how I'd change my mind. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm stubborn and if I say I will or won't, then you know I will or won't. I was certainly not going to change my mind about something as important as the decision on how I brought my daughter into this world. So, fast forward to November 30, 2010, my daughter arrived perfectly healthy and without any sort of pain relief. I will not lie and say it was pain free but I wanted the experience. Zach and I took a childbirth class with a teacher who was an experienced midwife and a supporter of all things natural and it confirmed that we wanted to do it our way (old fashioned, if you will). The benefits were many and that made the decision easy.
Much like the time we spent making decisions on our childbirth plan, we spent an equal amount of time deciding our parenting tactics. Knowing most of it would happen later when the child was old enough for disciplining, we still agreed that we would be a team and wouldn't overrule one another. At first it was tough for me because I was home with her 24/7 and I had my schedule and processes in place throughout the day and seeing someone doing it differently after my "shift" was tough. I learned to let it go and realize that Zach's way wasn't wrong, but different. Overall we developed a rhythm to our parenting and so far it is working successfully. Communication is key! If I'm frustrated, he'll step in and vice versa. We'll continue to do things our way and read and make educated decisions about child rearing and while we don't necessarily agree on many things today's parents do, we acknowledge that it's their choice. Maybe we overthink things but I'm happy with that.
As the days pass, I realize and appreciate all the work my parents have done to bring up three children. I understand my mom more every day. I feel guilty for all those times I thought she embarrassed me as a child when really she was trying to have fun. I find myself doing the same things to my daughter as mom did to me and I'm sure Dylan will be just as embarrassed. One day she will appreciate it too. There is a long journey ahead and I hope I can provide as my parents have. All the while, we are going to do it our way.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
The First 30
Yesterday was my 30th birthday and I suppose that warrants some type of musing. As a whole I will say that I have had a wonderful life thus far. I've been given opportunities to explore the world, other cultures, new ideas and mostly, I have met many fantastic people. Here is a snapshot of the first 30 in decades:
The First 10
- Born in Derby CT in 1980
- Started learning German at home thanks be to my parents
- Flew alone for the first time back from Germany; I celebrated my 9th birthday there
- Started playing the clarinet
- Finished school in CT through 5th grade
- Went to Italy, Germany, Canada
The Second 10
- Moved to SC in 1992
- Started and finished middle school and high school
- Continued playing clarinet for 8 years
- Graduated high school
- Spent my 18th birthday in Germany also flying alone
- Started College of Charleston
- Started my first job in high school (appropriately at a shoe store)
- Started my first real job with Bank of America
- Traveled some more, including Europe and the western US
The Third 10
- Graduated College of Charleston with a BA in German
- Graduated U. of Phoenix with MBA
- Studied abroad in Germany for the summer of 2003
- Met Zach
- Moved from Charleston to Anderson to Boston
- Had a baby
- Bought my first car
- Learned how to make jewelry
One of the most valuable lessons I learned in the first 30 is that it is OK to be yourself. As a child you are encouraged to be creative and explore a variety of things to see what you like. In the teen years it becomes acceptable to forfeit who you are in order to stay popular or be "cool" and luckily for the most of us, we realize that we had the right idea when we were less than 10 years old and probably didn't care so much of what people thought. We knew how to have a good time and enjoy the things that really matter. My biggest observation is that I've come full circle to who I am today. As a child, I learned a lot, loved my mommy and daddy and big brothers, had fun and understood that i was the slightly odd girl from the German family (maybe not that odd). During my teen years, parents are no longer cool and it was about gossiping and writing notes and giggling. In my mid-twenties, I realized that my parents are actually very cool, I'm lucky to have two older brothers and admittedly, my mom really did know what she was talking about. Having a child also puts things into perspective and is teaching me not to worry about the small stuff. The main point is to enjoy the years of life you have, find the good in people and don't worry about what people have to say about you - they don't have all the details anyway! Some of it is easier said than done, but it's definitely worth a go. So, happy birthday to me!
The First 10
- Born in Derby CT in 1980
- Started learning German at home thanks be to my parents
- Flew alone for the first time back from Germany; I celebrated my 9th birthday there
- Started playing the clarinet
- Finished school in CT through 5th grade
- Went to Italy, Germany, Canada
The Second 10
- Moved to SC in 1992
- Started and finished middle school and high school
- Continued playing clarinet for 8 years
- Graduated high school
- Spent my 18th birthday in Germany also flying alone
- Started College of Charleston
- Started my first job in high school (appropriately at a shoe store)
- Started my first real job with Bank of America
- Traveled some more, including Europe and the western US
The Third 10
- Graduated College of Charleston with a BA in German
- Graduated U. of Phoenix with MBA
- Studied abroad in Germany for the summer of 2003
- Met Zach
- Moved from Charleston to Anderson to Boston
- Had a baby
- Bought my first car
- Learned how to make jewelry
One of the most valuable lessons I learned in the first 30 is that it is OK to be yourself. As a child you are encouraged to be creative and explore a variety of things to see what you like. In the teen years it becomes acceptable to forfeit who you are in order to stay popular or be "cool" and luckily for the most of us, we realize that we had the right idea when we were less than 10 years old and probably didn't care so much of what people thought. We knew how to have a good time and enjoy the things that really matter. My biggest observation is that I've come full circle to who I am today. As a child, I learned a lot, loved my mommy and daddy and big brothers, had fun and understood that i was the slightly odd girl from the German family (maybe not that odd). During my teen years, parents are no longer cool and it was about gossiping and writing notes and giggling. In my mid-twenties, I realized that my parents are actually very cool, I'm lucky to have two older brothers and admittedly, my mom really did know what she was talking about. Having a child also puts things into perspective and is teaching me not to worry about the small stuff. The main point is to enjoy the years of life you have, find the good in people and don't worry about what people have to say about you - they don't have all the details anyway! Some of it is easier said than done, but it's definitely worth a go. So, happy birthday to me!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
So, how 'bout that warm weather...
My latest post is more of an observation about the lameness and generic nature of social interaction. I work in a public setting so it's commonplace to hold very quick and sterile dialogue. The most ridiculous one that has lately become laughable is the weather chat. You know what I mean.
"Can you believe this weather?" Yes, I can. Be it rain, heat or snow, someone always finds it appropriate to discuss the weather. I often catch myself mentioning it out of sheer amusement because I know that 99% of the time, the recipient of my question will get into some passionate rambling of how much they love or dislike the current state of weather conditions. While most of the time you get responses about how hot it is or how cold, you will probably get a brief weather report for the next few days. I almost find it tedious to look at my online weather report anymore because I know at some point during the day, someone will kindly give me the forecast. I can't control the weather anyway, so it makes no difference to me what it's doing out there. There are few times, like today for example, where you actually get into a more in depth conversation. This is rare, but exciting when it happens!
Today I was talking to a regular and he mentioned how much he loved the heat and said he was from the south. I knew I detected a familiar accent and he revealed he was from GA and adored the warm weather. So naturally I told him I lived in SC for quite a few years and that led into some other chat. This is a very rare instance but this is when weather chat really gets fun. Don't expect it to get you solid conversation all time but every once in a blue moon, it happens.
"Can you believe this weather?" Yes, I can. Be it rain, heat or snow, someone always finds it appropriate to discuss the weather. I often catch myself mentioning it out of sheer amusement because I know that 99% of the time, the recipient of my question will get into some passionate rambling of how much they love or dislike the current state of weather conditions. While most of the time you get responses about how hot it is or how cold, you will probably get a brief weather report for the next few days. I almost find it tedious to look at my online weather report anymore because I know at some point during the day, someone will kindly give me the forecast. I can't control the weather anyway, so it makes no difference to me what it's doing out there. There are few times, like today for example, where you actually get into a more in depth conversation. This is rare, but exciting when it happens!
Today I was talking to a regular and he mentioned how much he loved the heat and said he was from the south. I knew I detected a familiar accent and he revealed he was from GA and adored the warm weather. So naturally I told him I lived in SC for quite a few years and that led into some other chat. This is a very rare instance but this is when weather chat really gets fun. Don't expect it to get you solid conversation all time but every once in a blue moon, it happens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)